The Pursuit Of Dreams

One thing that I feel after the separation was that I tried to put my dreams aside.

There are lots of thing that I have to turned down a notch (or sometimes few notches), due to the complication it will cause if I had done so.

I dreamed of going back to school, to get master's degree, but then I had to provide for Dafa, and it'd be rather difficult for single-mom like me, to work and go to college at the same time


I dreamed of having Dafa live with me, but my job is at the other part of the region, 110kms away.. So I have to strengthen my body and mind, *and budget also* so I can go back and forth every week.


I dreamed of having the securities over my life, the never-worries, the feeling secured and save, the contentment..


I dreamed of being able to spread my wings and fly, and to feel the wind on my face, to go as far as I could..
As high as I can reach..
And build my castle on the sky..

For Dafa, and for myself.


Ah.


Please God. Let all my dreams come true.


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Thank you for being there, to come and change my whole life

To allow me to do something I've never allowed myself to do before :
To dream, and truly believe with all my mind and heart, that my dreams will easily come true.



-R




Minggu, Februari 26, 2012 at 11.36 , 1 Comment | Links to this post

Dafa's Taekwondo Lesson

It's been a while since the last time I write about Dafa,
My little-Man :D

He's been coping a lot since the separation, I have never had major worries about him.
He's strong outside, but so soft and sensitive inside. He's funny and witty, He gets along with people so easily.


Aahhhhaahaaaaa.. enough.. Moms will never stop if she's asked to write about their children.

My Dafa is now 7, will be 8 this year. I had started to put him in a Qur'an-reading-class starting last year. It's actually a private lesson, whereas He has to read & learn Qur'an face-to-face with his Tutor (He calls his Tutor Granpa).

Sometimes he got really bored with his lesson (maybe because he prefers my innovative teaching-method more :D), and he decided to 'play truant'. Wkwkkwkw.. made me wonder, where did he learned this kinda skill? never thought of him to be able to do such thing.
..maybe he's a little boy after all, who gets bored really fast :D


I tried to find some solution for this problem, and finally got the answer when my students told me about Taekwondo Lesson they attend. I was thinking: "Wow. this is perfect.. He'll be able to learn new skill, has lots of new friends, gain a lot more confidence, and alsoooo.. I would never had to hire bodyguard anymore." :D *just my luck*

I then enrolled him in for Taekwondo lesson. IDR 50 thousand per month, for twice a week lesson. :D He reaaaallly enjoy the lessons, and always looking forward for Sunday morning and Thursday afternoon ;).

And the good thing is, he never miss his Qur'an-reading-class anymore... yeaaaaa \m/
He becomes a lot more confident, and responsible.

But I get 'my share' of the thrill..

Having to wake up early in weekdays, i also have to do so on Saturday (he goes to school at 6 a.m.) and after signing up for the taekwondo lesson, I also HAVE to get up really early in SUNDAY :'(

huaaaaaaaaa :'( no more waking up late for me....*sigh*


And I also has to face my my worst nightmare, which is his Taekwondo-clothes

It’s WHITE, and it’s so very THICK..


My worst nightmare happens on the washing session


I already hate white clothes, and now I have to scrub ( I don’t believe in washing machine, still have to rub and scrub it with my hands, before putting the clothes in the washing machine :D )… not only the giant-white-shirt, but also the-giant-white-trousers, that he used it to sit on ANY kind of SURFACE (dirty-mostly) :P


Haisshhyy.. I love Dafa taking his Taekwondo lesson..


But sometimes I wished he took “pencak silat” lesson instead (the costume is black, of course :P)


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Get well soon, Nak..


Ibu love you so much..




-R



Senin, Februari 20, 2012 at 12.26 , 1 Comment | Links to this post

Two Sides of A Coin


When I was a little girl, I've always treasured a coin. It was really valuable for me because I only get coins on a special occasion, like festive days or when I visited my grandparents. I really like the feeling when I spend it, my eyes were bulging, looking astonished when the coins were being exchanged to colorful candies or salty snacks *eurghh, such unhealthy childrens-food*

I also treasured coin because of the clanging sounds when they were bumping into each other. I felt really rich that time. Ohhh.. So so so much coins
what I love most from coins are they surface, the planes and ridges, the feel of it when I run my finger on it. But the most amazing thing was that there were 2 sides of them. Completely different design, ridges, planes, lines, etc.

It amazed me how a thing that thin has different sides of faces.. And someone had told me, I was just like those amazing coins :D Has 2 different sides of personalities. Ahahaahha, I guess that person were half-true. Because I have a complete series of alter-personalities, 10 of them. (Just like Ben Tennyson, cartoon series that Dafa crazy about, he also has 10 beasts inside him :p )

Hmm, what I feel about myself is, I am an easy-to-be-with person, I can go fluid around people and make them comfortable with me in an instant *if I wanted to* ;)

Would you like to know how I do that?


I absorb them..


Just like a vampire that sucks its victim's blood.

MUhhahahhahh *evil laugh*


--------------
..A really unimportant writing made by a frustrated single mother that could use another series of laugh and humor to cheer her up :p




-R

Sabtu, Februari 18, 2012 at 23.58 , 0 Comments | Links to this post

The Ups and Downs

On my way to go to my home city again,, this time getting soaked in rain, and waiting with heavy carrier on my back. I have never gotten any seats on the ride home since its already full, but most of the times, I can sit on the bus stairs, on the front entrance.


This time.. I have to stand up.


Standing alone, with big carrier is tiring. Imagine that u have to stand on high heels, with the rockin' of the bus, and also having to brace yourself every time the bus driver pushing the brakes, and doing all that for approximately 110 kms. Its.so.damn.hard.


But the bright side is.. I get to work on my leg and butt muscles :D :p


Sometimes I get to sit in the bus, and sometimes I don't. it's ups and downs in riding the bus home ..


Every little thing has their ups and downs.


Sometimes you get the good things, sometimes you get the bad..


Like in my work.. .most of the time, my work is stressfull, it's like struggling with time, you're few minutes late and you wouldn't get deals. Late replying emails from clients means also losing deals, being unthorough with the profiles will cause loses for the candidates. Not to mention the uncommitted candidate and also withdrawing candidate, but the worst of all, client's complains.. Haissyyh :(


But every downs must be followed by every ups.


My ups will be the laughter and jokes amongst my colleague, the satisfaction after placing deals, and also the one who'd always given me support, even though I cannot see him, he's always there when I need him. And even though he's busy, he'll always have time 4 me. Just said hi, and he already brighten up my day. :)


He's just like the Prince Charming riding his horse, to save the sleeping beauty from her tiresome spell. :p


*sheessh, Rana, u'r being soooo dreamyy* :p.


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-still being poisoned by the needle, and waiting for my prince..



Let your fingers touch my cheeks lightly, run them slowly along my jaw lines.

and kiss me softly, you will. Break the spell and wake me up.

Let you be the first one I see when I wake up,

and let your smile will be the first thing that will warm my heart.


Hold my hand and Take me away, Prince..



And let us ride the wind, wherever it may take us..



-R

Jumat, Februari 10, 2012 at 23.01 , 0 Comments | Links to this post

Poison Apple

Sheesh.


This headache. This problems..


It throbs in my head. I want to get out and scream. But does that really worth it? No I don’t think so..


If there’s any poison Apple, I’d like to take a bite. and let me feel the bile,

gone into the abyss, let me stay there for a while,

Gone will all the headache..

lost will all the pain.


Let the Prince Charming come and wake me,



rescue me, kiss me.





Ahh.




-R

Rabu, Februari 08, 2012 at 19.15 , 0 Comments | Links to this post

The Man That Challenges Me

I am sitting on a bus, on my way to my home-city, and suddenly have this inspiration struck my head..


I am thinking about the hormone-ragin’/massive ego/poweful/but-feels-so-good-to-be-hugged male species..


:D


Throughout what happened to me, I gained a lot more independency through the years. Hmm, on a second thought, I've always been independent and standing on my own two feet, -especially in matters of income- since I was little.. I think that's my nature. And The sense of independency just grew more stronger now.


The thing that really struck me about this independence-thingy is when I'm going out with a guy :D and the matter is : "who's paying" :D


Since college, I already made my own money, not much, but enough to have fun. When he asked me out, I then always said : "Ok, u pay for the movie and I'll pay for the food". He, *the penniless college student* couldn't agree more :D. That happened on and on and on, and sometimes I am the one that had to pay for everything. I didn't mind with that.


But then, when the boyfriend turned to husband, the customary just went on. At first it was ok for me to handle house bills I had thought that it was part of being a helpful wife. But then.. It got worse. He never thought about the household needs, and he became dependent on me. Then he also depended other things, and another, and another and more more another things for me to pay.


I kept my mouth shut and paid the bills, even after the divorce. Just to ensure my sanity.


From then, I *stupidly* still kept that "let me pay" custom. Not because I was being polite, but merely because it hits my independency ego :)


But one day, my beloved trainer from the office, Ms. Yunita, pointed out my mistakes.. "Rana.. You HAVE to try to stop being independent in a relationship. Just let yourself DEPEND on a man, let him takes care of you. If you don't, then it will be the same pattern over and over again"


She also told me that she had known that it would be so hard for me to give up independency, but she had suggested me to try from the simplest thing.


..And yeah. It's so damn hard not to pay for the bills when going out with Dafa :D (he's 7 years old and so cute, could not resist the urge to spoil him sometimes)


And yet, I still went totally panic when going out to a dinner with a man, and I forgot withdrawing money from the atm. Damn. Damn. I got so panicky. I didn't let my self think that I was going out with a man, that has eyes, mouth, ears.. and wallet, and also pride.


I was hurting his feelings and pride, by being panic, and didn't trust him to be able to handle everything.


So hard indeed to let myself depend on man. :(

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So the man that challenge me most will be someone that will take care of me, and force make me dependent on him entirely. Body, mind and soul. :)

-R

Sabtu, Februari 04, 2012 at 11.13 , 0 Comments | Links to this post

This Friday

It's Friday,
and everything around me seemed to goes well.. and smooth and blushy :p
My spirits are also above-normal level, since this afternoon I will be going home to Dafa, yipeee!! :D


But then I received an email from my client, that stated a miscalculation around the sum of money being invoiced to them.

..ouch.

It hurts my pride, my skills, and also my commission/wallet for next month.


I was shocked and confused and was also feeling down, walking to my boarding room, while accidentally passing a mosque.


I overheard the Khatib talking, before Friday Prayer. He had said that all good moslem are subjected to tests, those tests are to verify our faith to God. Whether we would still have faith to God or turn our backs when we felt too burdened by those problems. Even our prophets were being tested with tests beyond Imagination, had to lose their parents, or wives, or both. Losing their houses, and also had to lose their long-expected-only-child.


I got stunned by Khotib’s sayings.


One way or another, my wallet problems are nothing, compared to other people’s.


So I held my head up high, took a deep breath and said..


“mesti jagain lilin ini mah entar malem”


Oops.. not that :D


So I held my head up high again, took a deep breath and said..


I – Can – solve – this

:)

Do wish me luck ;)

-R

Jumat, Februari 03, 2012 at 12.50 , 1 Comment | Links to this post