When Dafa's ill

I looked at the sight of Dafa, while sitting next to him. He closed his eyes peacefully. On the outside, it looked as if he’s fine, but when I hold him, a burst of heat stung my palm. Yes. He was having a temperature. I caressed his hair, trying to untangle the ends. Suddenly he opened his eyes, and said,

“Water.” His voice were gruff. I handed him water bottles and its straw. He woke up trembling, then I helped him up. I have to bit my lower lip, to resist the urge to cry. He drank slowly with his quivering lips. His lips were gone bright red from his fever. He’s looking quite handsome, actually. With his fair skin, handsome face and red lips. The thought of this made me smile a bit. But the smirk suddenly gone, and left my edge of lips twitching. He looked at me slowly, and gave me a weak smile.

“Go back to sleep, Champ.” I told him while caressing his hair slowly. He nodded and laid his head on the pillow. I tucked him inside his blanket. As he drifted away in sleep, I sighed. I wanted to cry, but then there were no tears that would drop from my eyes. That day was the second day of his fever. A pain stung my head. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, the pain grew weaker a little, but its left minor throb on the corner of my head. Suddenly, I felt tired.

Physically tired, yes. and also tiresome of being lonely. I needed someone to laid my head on the shoulder and cry. I couldn’t risk Dafa seeing me cry. I had once cried in front of him, few weeks after the divorce, and ended up making him sad and crying. I then promised to myself never to cry in front of him again.

I took a deep breath, realizing that everything had been consequences of my choice. I had to accept it, and go with the flow. I then had myself lost in my thoughts. Dafa stirred from his sleep, and shifted me from things that ran in my head.

“Mom..” he said slowly.

“Yes? What is it, Darling? Do you feel hurt?” I asked him. and hold his head carefully with both of my hands.

“No.” He said. He was sleeping against me, and faced the wall, so I couldn’t see his face. “Is Dad going to see me?” He continued. I gasped, but frantically tried to hide it.

“Ummm.. I think he’s busy, Dear.” I then answered, desperately trying to sound normal, and not depressed.

“Oh.” He sighed.

“Now go back to sleep. You wouldn’t want to miss school again, would you?” I said cheerfully.

“Em..hmm.” he hummed. And there were long silence. I took another deep breath.. then I said something in my mind:

"I’m Sorry, Dafa. Daddy doesn’t even care if you are sick. He never called you, not giving you any tuition, not even single penny of allowance he’d sent to us."

I didn’t even cry at this thought. His Dad doesn’t worth my tears anyway.

Kamis, September 03, 2009 at 21.04 , 6 Comments | Links to this post