Diary of a Single Mom

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

Exhausted..

I wished the stress and the strain will come out with every single breath I exhaled. I took another few deep breaths, then pulling my scooter’s key from the keyhole. I got off from motorcycle, and secured my gate.

Another gulp of breath.

I went inside the house. Took off my helmet, my riding gloves and scarf. I then kicked my shoes. They flew to the bottom of the wooden chair and landed with a thud. I took a big glass of water, the water went inside me in few swallows.

I move half-heartedly around the house. I checked Dafa in his room. He’s asleep, his sitter must have made him slept half an hour before.

Ahh… another night without playing with Dafa at night.

I sit on his bed and caress his back slowly. Dim light from his night light framed his angelic face. Ah. Such a wonderful sight. One second, I was amazed with the beautiful image before my eyes. But the next second, guilt washed over me, like a tsunami.

I’m sorry champ, I wasn’t there for you. I had to work. Long hours. Long work hours, and even longer mom hours.

Suddenly I feel tears running down to my cheek. an the exhaustion bombarded me.

The getting up early, preparing him to school, cooking, cleaning up, taking him to school, picking him back in the hour after, helping his homework, playing with him. And then working in the office, managing, teaching, making worksheets,. And as if they were not enough, teaching private lesson at night. All by myself.

Another exhaustion slipped right through me, and skipped a beat of my heart. And another drip of tears went rolling.

I wish I wasn’t all alone like this.

I buried my face inside my hand.

“Mooomh?” Dafa stirred in his sleep, he opened his eye a little bit. Maybe he was awake because of my crying. I wiped my tears and tried to obliterate last signs of crying.

“Yes, Champ?” I caressed his cheek lightly. He opened his eyes bigger, and he was smiling.

“I missed you.” he said, and he yawned.

“Me too” I almost shed a tear again, but I held it with all my might. Dafa smiled again, and he was hugging my hand. He was then back to sleep again.

Gone was all my exhaustion, seen his smile and felt his hug.

“Thanks Champ. Your smile made me strong again.” I whispered to him, and kissed his cheek.

..batteries recharged.

Off to another work to do. This time, with smile on my face, and spirit in my heart.