Diary of a Single Mom

My heart lurched.

Magnificent.

So that was how it felt to fly..

I was beyond words.

Those fluffy white clouds,

The sun that shone so brilliantly,

The bright blue sky,

And Seemingly-endless horizon

No limit

And No boundaries

Though sometime there were eerie feeling that accompanied the marvel.

Thinking that I was in that altitude, and thought about what happened if something gone wrong.

Hmm.. The only enemy while in the air were only gravity.

Gravity keeps u standing on the ground, but In the air, gravity will be very mean. He'll pull you down 10 meters per second, and will be crushing you to the ground.

So hard.

Lethal.

And No mercy.

It's just the same with falling in love..

At first you'll feel magnificent, happy, amazed, and fearless.

Heart lurching, butterflies in stomach, the gleam in the eyes, the endless smile pasted on your face, and not to mention the dopey + soaring feelings.

All because of falling in love.

But when something gone wrong, like unrequitted love and being played at.. It's like jumping without parachute, and let gravity pulls you down.

So hard.

Lethal

And without mercy.

..And if you survived, you will have to collect pieces of you, and had to put its shatters one by one. piece by piece.

When you feel your stronger and ready to go again, suddenly one piece-just one small piece-decided to gave up, and all of the other pieces will shattered again.

Everytime you try to move on, there would always be pieces that gave up, and shattered everthing again. It'd happen On and on again.

Until when?

Maybe until you've found something that's strong enough to hold on to, something that plug in so deeply in the ground. Stands still in storm, wind, rain, and heat. But yet still be soft to hold. Something that will be there to help you up and always keeping you from missing one piece :)

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..Taking a really deep breath while writing this.

-R

People often say that eyes are the window of the soul.

Why? Maybe because we can easily tell lies with our lips + tongue, but the eyes.. They wouldn't be able to lie.

There'll be a spark in My eyes if I feel happy and content,

There'll be a flicker on them, should I feel doubt

There'll be a glint, that reflected the spirit and light from the opponent's eyes

They will be fluttering with worries and mysterious lies

And they will Shine like a lighthouse, looking at his eyes.

They will be empty with sorrow and sadness

And blazing hot with rage and madness

They will be steaming hot with passion,

And soften with compassion,

The eyes, the smile and their brilliant ray

An open book, people may say.

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.. my eyes = my feelings

#another unimportant writing

-R

Friday, on the bus. As usual.

But this time I got a seat. *yaaaayy*

Since I had to visit my client, and able to came early and caught the bus to my hometown.

I have been trying to look back this past week. Trying to figure out things to spill over here.

There were soo many interesting things happened this week, but I found one thing quite interesting *and mind-blowing* errgh.

It was about the placement I made. She was about to join the new company, all process were successfully passed, and suddenly.. She decided to withdrew.

Damn. Double damn. Damn, damn,,,

The reason?

Because her current company just raised her income, and suddenly, her boss were acting sooooo nice and treat her like cinderella *rolleyes* what a temptation.

Hmm..

That made me think much. So very much.

When you decided something, it'll be like you decide to swim in a flooded river, upstream.

The stream will hit your face very hard as you tried to swim. Your strokes will be very heavy, your arms will be hurting like hell, and your legs will be screaming in pain, as you tried to paddle, fighting the stream that kept pushing you backwards. You even couldn't stand up straight, without getting yourself carried away by the dangerously hard stream. Even to stand up and breathe, you will find it so damn hard. The stream is just too hard. With nothing for you to hold on to. You can only hold on to one thing. Your will, and it's also getting thinner every seconds

So ridiculously hard.

The stream is just like temptations, they will force you to give out, to give up, to finally let yourself stop fighting. To let yourself surrender to the stream, get carried away, and to be a lot more further from your goal.

Every decision u made, has its own consequences..

And it depends on your will,

To fight for it, or just to be carried away by the over-flowing stream.

It's totally not easy to fight the stream, you will come undone, with lots of bruises, scars, pains, marks and everything.

But you will be proud of yourself. To be able to win the battle with the stream, and also the hardest battle: the battle with yourself, the battle to fight the temptation to give up

You CAN!

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- Based on personal experience, paddling my As* fighting different streams :D There were always another stream waiting to be fought after finishing the last one.

note:

- take a deep breath before you decide to dive and fight the stream

and just believe: There always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s WHITE, and it’s so very THICK..

My worst nightmare happens on the washing session

I already hate white clothes, and now I have to scrub ( I don’t believe in washing machine, still have to rub and scrub it with my hands, before putting the clothes in the washing machine :D )… not only the giant-white-shirt, but also the-giant-white-trousers, that he used it to sit on ANY kind of SURFACE (dirty-mostly) :P

Haisshhyy.. I love Dafa taking his Taekwondo lesson..

But sometimes I wished he took “pencak silat” lesson instead (the costume is black, of course :P)

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Get well soon, Nak..

Ibu love you so much..